Sledegehammer Princess
by Psuriko
Summary: Princesses are always represented as weak damsels in distress, but this young lady is a tad bit different...


Sledgehammer princess 

_Written by Psuriko._

_Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Halberd Princess" event in Megaman Battle Network 4 and thus belongs to Capcom. Rumiko Takahashi obviously owns Ranma½ and all its characters._

_Author's note: You may have thought I have gone to hibernation by now, but I was only biding time.._

Once upon a time in a land far, far away between Krasnojark and Jakutsk, there was a kingdom with a pretty odd location.

Not many tourists visited the kingdom and even fewer knew where it was located. Eventually when the kingdom's remarkable "Armuskbullar" started to run short…. again, the king decided to arrange yet another attempt to marry off his last daughter, Princess"Ersaia Asurei Hamsmorgas… - Salania Perasia" , but everyone simply called her " Princess Akane" for short, to generate a generous amount of dough to buy ingredients for the armuskbullar.

"Father, you can't do this to me!" Princess Akane said. "The suitors are always so nasty or foul-mouthed and always accuse me having a short temperament!"

The king avoided to make any remark on the earlier records of broken bones among the suitors after the last cancelled marriage.

A few weeks later in the afternoon, escourts built for mountain terrains arrives at the castle's entrance.

Flowers and ribbons hangs around in the castle, aswell as the custom extraordinary subtemperature living Norwegian squirells.

"Do we have to prepare sickbeds this time?" the first housekeeper asked.

"No of course not." The other housekeeper replied. "I have heard rumours that many of the most gorgeous bachelors will come. The princess can't reject them all!" She muffled her giggle and went to finish decorating the inner parts of the west wing.

A few minutes after the second housekeeper went aroundthe corner, she called the closest hospital(150 miles away) to prepare some helicopters and tetanus shots...

Meanwhile the king have begun to collect envelopes from the bachelors that arrives.

"Finally, we are saved to the next round!" the king mutters with tears in his eyes.

The suckers, I mean the bachelors went through wondering if the king was so happy to marry of his daughter.

Speaking of the witch, Princess Akane was still dressing in her D-room, she wondered why she had to go throw this again and again when she would never meet her prince charming…

"Princess, please why can't you use this evening gown sewn by the royal tailor?" the chamber maiden wondered.

Princess Akane looked at the maiden with a perplexed face. "No, why should I? I had made this lovley gown all by myself. " She twirled around to show her creation(that little miss Frankenstein.)

The chamber maiden shuddered as she tried to cover her eyes as the princess shown the evening gown that looked like it fitted a three-armed wrestler with acute tonsillitis.

"Bang, Byng!", "Bang, Byng!" said the big clock in the entrance hall, signalling that the party began.

"Quickly child, hurry!" the chamber maiden said, she didn't have enough time to persuade the princess to weare the more proper evening gown.

Princess Akane rushed as quickly as she could in the "evening gown". She arrived at the top of the stairs, ready to make a proper impact from someone with mostly better blood. The princess took the first step down, but tripped on her gown.

Princess Akane tumbled down the long stairs(yes, really long) and sprained her ankle.

Fortunatley, no one was around to see how silly her landig position was, the princess quickly resumed proper act and hurried towards the ball room where the bachelors was waiting.

Wonderful scents from the buffet table, but mostly it came from the free after-shave lotion sample in the latest issue of the magazine"King".

Instantly, a few of the bachelors spotted the royal wrecker, uhm the young royal lady.

"Good evening, how are you?" the first one said.

"How nice your… dress is." Bachelor number 2 says through gritted teeth.

"….." the last one drank to much when he saw the princess.

"How are **MY**… smelling socks?" Princess Akane replied and heat that was not smelling, more accurate, **burning** with a three flat high battleaura around said girl.

She pulled out a mighty long sledge hammer from no where and started to swing it as the males covered in fear.

_Smack!_

The impact tossed the bachelors in a perfect 180 degree angle to the court-yard, where the helicopters will land later.

The princess went berserk and started to demolate everything in her way swinging the divine weapon, bachelors tried to escape or hide under the buffettables as they scream"The devil reincarnated! Apocalypse is now!"

"Your majesty, shouldn't you do reconsider doing that earoperation for the princess next time before the next attempt on a marrige?" the head-butler asked.

"Bah! The royal family have never trusted a surgeon since ol' uncle Gonzo II Skrubignosh went through that tooth operation, he never became himself again." The king replied.

Princess Akane had during that short conversation been able to erradicate everything that wasn't made of stone, except for the last victim small talking with some young housekeepers.

"And thus that is how I , the Lightning blue knight only needed the initial letter to be recognised as "K", defeated the vile pigtailed dragon!" the bachelor showed how he dealt the final strike against the beast with his sword.

"He's so strong, K. Don't you agree housekeeper 83?"

"Yes, I agree housekeeper 32, and handsome. Though he is a bit pompous for my taste."

The barbaric female hammerwielder came closer, prepared to send the victim to the morgue. Tightly she grasped the hilt, calculating how much force was needed to have the work done. Princess Akane raised the sledgehammer, the housekeepers spotted the doomsday weapon in the nick of time and darted to different directions to take cover.

The bachelor turned around "Is this the beautiful flower of this kingdom that the supreme swordsman K will marry?"

Princess Akane stopped in her destructive tracks and the sledgehammer simply vanished to where ever it goes.

"What did you say?"

" Lightning blue knight "K", master of the perfect technique "Dah!Dah!Dah!Dah!", slayer of womanizers, perverts, ….. foul sorcerers and mythical beasts never repeats himself."

The royal wrecker looked on the bachelor a few seconds with a confused expression. When she "realised" what he said, red colour appeared on her cheeks.

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Later that evening the castle was finishing preparing the wedding while the injured young men was getting treated.

"Finally my girl is getting married, why does it have to happen this soon? How are we suppose to get dough next year for the armuskbullar.." The king sobbed as the bachelor K and Princess Akane walked slwoly towards the altar.

The couple reached the ceremonial table and was going to make the oath when an unknown woman appeared from nowhere and snatched K.

"Obnoxious slut ! K will not be yours!"

She disappeared with the groom in a puff of grey smoke.

Princess Akane stod stunned, suddenly she opened her mouth"How nice of her to bless our wedding, but why did she take my groom with her?"

The kingdom seemed to fall over after this comment.

"No,the witchsaid she wouldn't let you marry your prince charming!" the king realised his mistake too late.

An aura taller then the Turning Torso in Sweden erupted from the bride, now summoning the true power of the sledgehammer and got ready to pursuit the wicked bitch, a-herm wicked witch that dared to destroy the bridge for true love.

The patriarch stepped in front of the demolition girl and offered a search party to help her find K(and to avoid the full brink of world destruction.)

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After months of grinding down every obstacle in her way, Princess Akane finally heard true rumours about a strange couple was seen in a strange place(in PA's opinion) called " Albuquerque's peak".

Quickly what was rest of the searchparty followed the princess to the location.

When they arrived at the top after some easy mountain climbing trough pointy rocks, storms, meteor rain and even leaflets that let you eat free at "Joe's" the searchparty saw a rock of some sort just stood there with dignity.

"What's that?" one of the soldiers asked while looking in different angles to see what it looked like.

"It is just one of those horrible modern art-thingies!" The soldier beside responded.

"No! It's my prince charming" Princess Akane cried out. "Where is that witch? I'm gonna whack her thinner then a pancake made by Scrouge McDuck himself!"

An omnious cackle erupted from behind the petrified prince charming known as K.

"Obnoxious sluts will never be able to marry my brother, no matter how high they climb!" The woman appeared from behind the statue.

Mad Princess Akane looked with a confused face on witch and wondered why she wanted to bake muffins all of a sudden.

"Mmmm, what a splendid idea!" The wicked witch waved her hand and the royal soldiers instantly turned into strawberry muffins. "Listen to me, slut! If you even could touch me, K would revert to his original state, but an obnoxious girl like you can't even hurt a fly!" She laughed with an stuck-up evil cackle.

Said princess couldn't take any more flattering from this woman and darted towards her with super-human speed, grasping _thee_ divine sledgehammer and swung with all her tomboyish strenght to deliver a MightyBlow.

The witch wasn't fast enough to react and took the full blow from the hit, crashing through K's still petrified body.

Time stood still as Princess Akane watched in horror as her groom shattered in thousands of chips, tears fell from her cheeks.

What is she going to do now when the only person that understood had been crushed?

She couldn't return without a groom!

Underneath the strawberry muffins did something moan. A soldier had somehow avoided getting "muffified", he crawled out between the humongus strawberry muffins to get air.

Princess Akane turned around and spotted the last part of her searchparty with a nasty smirk on her face…

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Two months later when they arrived at the kingdom far, far, far, far away between Krasnojark and Jakutsk.

Princess Akane had dressed the soldier named "Gosunkugi"(but everyone in the sqaud called him "George") just like K.

The two got married and lived together in hapiness.

– Amen.

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Read and review this story and tell your opinion of this "slightly" longer tale then the original Halberd Princess.


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